It Would Have Been Enough…
You met me at my lowest moment
You saw me at my very worst
When I expected disappointment
Love was all I heardMy sin was deep
Your grace was deeper
My shame was wide
Your arms were wider
And my guilt was great
Your love was greater stillYou ran to me when I was naked
And clothed me in Your righteousness, yeah
You pulled me from the depths of darkness
Into Your light againHow deep, how wide
How far, how high
The love of my Savior, the love of Christ“Greater Still” by Brandon Lake
A semester into my acting degree (2019), the suicidal ideation I’d suppressed for years grew to be uncontainable. After being reminded constantly of how replaceable I was in the theater industry, I fell into the detrimental trap of seeking validation from my professors, future casting directors, my peers, and anyone else I could find. Looking for purpose and security in all the wrong places, I eventually wrote in my journal that I’d never felt “so used and useless in my life.” Finally, sitting on the edge of my freshman dorm room’s twin bed, I prayed to the God I’d heard about all my life, asking Him one simple question: “If You love me ‘so much,’ and if heaven is ‘so great,’ why can’t I go there now?” Searching frantically through a Bible app for some hope, I came across a compilation of passages with “I’m Feeling Depressed” as the header. That is when I found myself reading Psalm 139 for the very first time.
Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence?
If I ascend to heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in Sheol, behold, You are there.
If I take up the wings of the dawn,
If I dwell in the remotest part of the sea,
Even there Your hand will lead me,
And Your right hand will take hold of me.
If I say, “Surely the darkness will overwhelm me,
And the light around me will be night,”
Even darkness is not dark to You,
And the night is as bright as the day.
Darkness and light are alike to You.
I was brought to tears learning that there is nowhere I could go to escape God’s presence, and that my ‘darkness’ is not dark to Him. Minutes after I requested to go to heaven, an arresting thought came to mind. I learned later that this ‘thought’ was from The Lord. “What you desire is My presence, and you can have that now.” After this encounter, I graduated from being a mere theist to pursuing a true relationship with this omnipresent God of the Bible.
There is a Hebrew song that is sung during the Passover seder called “Dayenu.” It means “It would have been enough. This song highlights incredible moments in our history where The Lord provided for His people. “If God had only brought us out of Egypt (slavery), it would have been enough. If God had only given us the Torah (the first five books of the Bible), it would have been enough. If God had only given us the Sabbath (a day of rest from work each week), it would have been enough.” I have been thinking about my own personal dayenu moments that bring me into deeper awe and gratefulness of my savior.
If God had only saved me from eternal damnation, but did not reveal Himself to me here on earth, it would have been enough. If God had only allowed me to experience His tangible presence one time, but never allowed me to find hope in Him, it would have been enough. If God had only stopped me from committing suicide, grieving my family and friends in ways unimaginable, but did not give me purpose on this side of heaven, it would have been enough. If God had only given me assignments to complete, but did not allow me to experience the joy of being obedient, it would have been enough. It would have been enough if God saved me, but didn’t love me. It would have been enough if God loved me, but did not promise His goodness and mercy would follow me. It would have been enough. It would have been enough. It would have been enough. And yet…
God keeps me every day. He protects me every moment. He sustains me every second. He corrects my deep sin with even deeper grace, and my great guilt is surpassed by His great love every time. He has done more than enough, and yet, He still promises to do exceedingly, abundantly, above all that we ask or think. What an incredible, incomparable, indescribable God we serve.
Listen To The Song!
Apple Music - https://music.apple.com/us/album/greater-still/1638385585?i=1638385597
Spotify - https://open.spotify.com/track/3Nc02SZ7F6rfKqaKcDKdvG?si=mz2YiDhFTRi06nIqSNR6sw
